Christmas Time for me....

So much runs to mind when Christmastime comes around. Busy, busy, busy.
Cooking, cleaning, shopping, cards, parties, decorating. All fun, but when you stop to think about it, can be very stressful and make Christmas not so fun.
I have learned something this year.
Christmas is having a wonderful, kind, loving husband.
Helping your daughter fix her house up for an important event in our lives.
Having a wonderful son, who is kind and loving. My baby.
My Sister and brother. My whole family. Bless them all.
Two new babies. Hope for another one.
Hope
Faith
Peace
Love
Another part of Christmas, that is Christmas is sharing.
Finding help for an elderly couple.
Salvation Army
Church
Difficulties, that come, even with the season.
The pain of losing a grandson, Bryce, so young, so sweet. Only 17 Christmas times for him. We will miss him forever. But as a family, we will hold on and work through together. It will be difficult, but not impossible.
Helping his mother. God Bless Her.
The joy of extended family. Erins father, Jerrys son and his family.
One thing I truly believe is, that for people who are overindulged they never truly know what it is to appreciate what we have.
Food, freedom, water, Love, working through problems together.
Finding a friend from the past.
Keeping our friends dear to us, who have stood by us all our lives.
Never being selfish.
Thinking of those who do not have enough money this Christmas for even one gift, let alone 10-20 per person.
The gift of Christmas is People. They are the most important part of your lives, and through them, those here and those gone, that will keep Christmas alive.
I miss my Mom and Dad so at Christmas. This Christmas someone new is added, Bryce.
Buddy and Bobby. Every time you hear a Christmas carol, sometimes there is that moment where there is a pain in your heart. But we go on, and we remember, but we remember with Love.
"And so this is Christmas
and what have you done?
Another year older,
A new ones just begun" John Lennon. Happy Christmas Everyone.

Thankful for.....

Erin,Devin,Jerry,Mom,Daddy, my sister and brother, learning to drive, my best friend, Buster, Molly, Max, Penny, Abe, Sassy, Aunt Mamie, Grandma, My wedding day (both of them were happy days), dancing, reading, Benjamin, Erins wedding day, Devins graduation, Nancy, hool a hoop champ, running, Bob-Lo, Brian, leg wrestling with my brother years ago, Stone quarry, ice cream, movies, music, Erin College, Billy, Chrissy, health, God, snow, rain, tea, knitting, wine, Todd, Blake, computer, baking, laughing, smiles, hugs, Chloe, watching snow fall, peace, Beatles, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, birthdays, Christmas, presents, Art, watching a movie with Jerry, Antiquing with Jerry, shopping, Michelle, lazy days, being with my kids, Lori, Callie, my cousins, children, babies, hope

Innocence Lost

Bryce Dickenson was brought into my life 6 years ago by marriage.  He was a bright, funny, beautiful boy.
He was my grandson in every sense of the word but by blood.  I loved him, worried about him, got mad at him, laughed with him, talked books with him, talked music with him, but most of all I loved him.
He would tease me and tell me how old I was.  63 is so OLD Grandma he would say, then in the next breath, add: but you are so cool.  I wish I would have been cool enough.
How do you cope with the fact that someone you love was heading the wrong way?
 I saw things, I read things, just wish I would have done something.
He had a gift, laughter, humor and beautiful dimples that got me everytime.
He will never see another sunset, another concert, get married, have children, laugh again.
We all make choices, but Bryce was guided also down the wrong path by friends he barely knew.
He was making choices that were so wrong for him.  I have seen pictures of him with these friends.  He looked like he was always on the outside of the group.  He was.  He belonged with us still.  I missed him when we visited and he was away.  Now I will miss him forever.  Friends do not let friends die lost and alone
That I will never forgive.  Never forget.  He has two brothers he left behind, who will miss him dearly.  They will not know the knowledge he carried with him, they will not know his humor, they will not know him.  The young man, the sweet young man.
This is something no one ever wants to see.  A young person leaving this world to soon.  This world will be a lonely place without him in it.  Hold tight to those you love.  Once they are gone, there are no more hugs, no more kisses, no more laughs....just that empty feeling and the wish you could see them just one more time..

Sisters and Brothers

As I write this, my heart is full.  There is a young girl, that I have known since she was born.  Also her sister.  The older sister has been very ill for the last month and is still in the hospital.  I have been reading her younger sisters blog for the entire time. I am so proud of both of them.
I have an older sister who I also could not even begin to think of living without.  But still you know......the thoughts come in once in a while.  But you have to go in faith like Laura is doing and making the very best of what you have NOW.  I am so glad we have done that too.  So many good times, laughter, tears.  But we have been through it all together.
She has been my rock, my ear, a pain, but most of one of the most important people in my life forever.
When we were little, she was always there to hold my hand (even tho at times a little to tightly) and now we are holding each others hands.  I am no longer the little girl, she had to contend with but the younger sister who she feels she can now depend on.
We had our children close, and had so many good time throughout the years of their growing up.
Then I went through a heartbreaking divorce and she was always there for me.  To listen to me, to keep me going, and for giving that extra love to Erin and Devin.
Laura has spoken of what her Mom told her about family.  I also told Erin and Devin that.  Hold on to each other, because when I am not here anymore, the two of you with your strong love for each other will always be there for each other.
This morning I read Laura's blog and it made me cry.  Then I read the comment my Erin made to Laura.
About remaining close to her brother always and the importance of their relationship.  It truly made me happy
I am in the twilight of my years now, and as I look back.  Life has been good.  There was always just the three of us.  Erin, Devin and myself.  Little money.  But there was always laughter, mixed with a little drama now and then and always Love.  I thank God for my husband, my Sister, my brother, and especially my children.  They have always been my life and I am very proud of both of them.  Thank you Laura for all the wonderful memories you shared of Leslie.  I have been thinking this morning of some of my own.  With my Sister, with Erin and Devin.  The years truly have been good..

More than the same name

It isn't often in life you are blessed to have one true friend.  Many friends, yes.  But to have that one person in your life who understands is truly a blessing.  All through our years together, we have gone through many of the same things.  Went through divorces together, and all the sadness that goes with it, had two children each, and no money, but always managed to find things to do on those holidays when you are alone,   New Years Eve, couples things, which you are never thought about.  Losing parents, getting married again to men that we know will be by our side at the very end.  But most of all, my partner in crime, listens to what I have to say and understands what I mean.  Our children our grown now, but here we are still talking and worrying about them together.  She is quite a doer, and has always pushed the "quiet one"  even had to stand up for me at times.  I only hope that I have done for her what she has done for me.  Just plain been there.  That is all you really need.  Sometimes, just for someone to listen.  I love her.  We do things with our husbands now, they have also formed a close relationship.  Maybe someday we can walk grandchildren together.  I am so glad she is in my life.  Oh, did I mention we also worked desk to desk for years in the back of a big office building.  You can imagine the plotting back there!!!  We graduated from the same high school, had two children each.  (Often, people would mistake her girls for mine, and my boy and girl for hers)  Mine are dark haired and hers are blond.  We have laughed together, worked together, planned together and cried together.
She is very dear to me and I just want to make sure she knows this.  Now we are getting older together,  What is ahead?  We don't know, but we do know we will come through it TOGETHER.
Oh, did I mention her name was Linda?

This ever changing world in which we live in........

What's goin on?  I wonder if that is a question all of us ask ourselves lately.  I know I do.   Why is it so important to have that big TV?  Why is it so important to have that big vacation?  Why is it so important to spend...spend....spend?  Is that the only thing that makes one happy today.   I grew up in a very different world.  One that will never come again.   People cared.  They visited.  They called.  They brought over dinners when someone was ill.  They shared, they dreamed, they loved. 
I remember my Mom and Dad telling me about the depression, how awful it was, yet how it brought their friends and their family together.  A big night on the town might be sitting on the porch talking, shooting the breeze, making each other make it through.   Sure, there was crime, there was fighting, but there was compassion.  I do not want to think we have lost that.  I know we have not.  I have raised two very wonderful children, who did not have everything, who lived in a small home, who shared.  They never talk of feeling deprived.  Ever.  But I did raise them to be individuals with their own minds, something in which I do not believe I have ever mastered.  Always trying to please someone, when really can we ever?
This is a very different generation.  But it is a good generation.  Basically we all want the same, to be happy.  My mother told me once that things always come full circle.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't.  But of this I am
sure.  Everyone dreams, everyone loves, everyone wants someone to listen to them.  Quiet..... listen, it is amazing what you will hear. 

Memories of Home

Wyandotte, wonderful city.   Close my eyes and remember.   At night, lying in bed, hearing the boats greet each other, or trains blowing their whistles into the night.  Time of dime stores, drug stores with soda fountains, loop bus that went from Jefferson to Eureka to Fort to Goddard, around and around again.  Such fun it was to ride that bus into Downtown Wyandotte to shop with Mom.  My brother and I would look in the dimestore window while waiting for the bus to come to take us home.  Christmas was especially exciting, seeing toys in the window, and all the hustle and bustle amidst cold winter nights.  Living in one area your whole life, then moving is a challenge.  Even though the move is not that far away.  Somehow nothing compares to the place where you are from.  When you go back, look around, remember, you think, this is where I am from, this is my roots, where nowhere else in the world I felt more comfortable.  Then you realize, you never will.  For this is Home.

I already have a website and would like to publish a blog to it.

I already have a website and would like to publish a blog to it.

Empty Nest

Somehow I never truly thought of the day when I would face not be needed by the two children.  My Daughter and Son were the main focus of my life always.  As a single Mom, 24/7 was what was going on in their lives.  I guess I must have done a good job because you are supposed to raise your children to live happy, wholesome lives without you.  So why do I feel so empty?  I look to my crafts, not enough, I have become involved in church, not enough (never have been a person to be around alot of women)  My husband and I are (I got married three years ago) are now free to do whatever we want.  But lack of money makes that impossible.  I know there is still much out there for me at 63.  My struggle to become independent and happy myself goes on.  No one wants to become that mother you feel you have to go see, or I saw Mom, check.  You want them to WANT to see you.  To laugh with you.  I know my life is far from over, I just need to get back on my feet and do what I have always done.  Move on.  Go forward.  Be happy.  I will overcome this.

What is important

Never in my life have I known what is important than I do now.  Sometimes, I think why don't we know this when we are young?  But then I really know.  We are to busy living and having fun to realize how fast this is all going by.  I am so lucky that I was blessed with two wonderful children.  A daughter and a son.  They have been and always will be the love of my life.  THAT is one thing I always knew.  But I didn't realize how important all the little things were.  Like Erin, adorable little girl, putting her little arms around me and saying "kiss me, I got the signal" or Devin, clinging to my legs like I was going to do a ten yard sprint!   But am so glad that those moments happened, and I have this to look back at and remember and smile.  I got the best of the deal.  Am looking forward to more years of memories, like this year when I could not get on the horse on the merry-go-round and was so much feeling sorry for myself, because everyone else had a horse that went up and down.  Then I looked, and Erin and Devin were looking at me with such concern, poor mom, how can I get her on that horse?  Funny how roles change.   I bet this year they will make sure I get a horse that moves!!!!

Saying Goodbye

As I said this is about life and love.  Sharing a goodbye:

How to Share a lifetime of memories.
There are so many,
not enough time
not enough time
He loved many things: Northern Michigan, Grand Haven- casinos, combing his hair, Christmas and he always wanted to hear news about his family.
Bud is my oldest cousin- and very special to me.  So I would like to share some thoughts and  a story or two.
He was private-did not like crowds.  As of late, a loner.  But how I loved to make him laugh.  And he enjoyed to laugh.  Life is hard for all of us at times, and Bud had his share of disappointments.  But he was fortunate enough to find Helen and in Helen; stability and Love.
Barb, my older sister and him were only two years apart.  We lived across the street from each other, so they had a childhood bond like brother and sister.  They were together alot.  Walked back and forth to school.  All went well then Bud started playing an instrument.  His Coronet.  Well trouble was..he did not want to carry it.  So down on the sidewalk it went.  Barb would say, "Bud I am not carrying this"  Bud would say, "Well I am leaving it here"  Needless to say Barb pick it up and carried it home.  So if you noticed the sticker in Buds c asket.  She says- This the the last time I'm carrying this for you Bud, It is all yours now..
The to Rock their world-I like to think a cute curly headed girl named Linda became a third part of the walks and adventures of Bud and Barb.  Oh how I love being with them!  But somehow I don't think I fit into the plan.  They would squeeze my hand so hard thinking she'll want to go home..  But not me.  I didn't say a word.  So I went with them.
The day of my fathers, mothers funeral, Barb and Bud were in charge of me.  They decided we would walk to the end of Ruth St and climb the billboard and watch the procession go by.  So, off WE went.  Bud and barb and ME.  Got up there.  Imagine everyone's surprise to see us sitting high on that billboard when they passed on Jefferson Ave on there way to the cemetery.  That was in 1949, I was two, and here it is 2008 and we are making our last journey together to Michigan Memorial.
I look over and see him lying in blue- His first car was blue, Mr. Blue he called it.  He loved that car.  How happy he is to be in Mr. Blue again.
Jerry and I and Bud and Helen would try to meet one Friday a month for dinner.  Because of his speech sometimes it was trying but somehow I could manage to make him laugh.  He loved a story about hims Mom.  Barb and I were visiting her once at Rivergate and we were in the basement visiting room.  We were having
tea.  She looked at us and said:  See the refrigerator:  Well, don't open it.  Buds in there!  And I don't want him to leave.  He loved it!!
You are at rest now Bud-At Peace.   We will all miss you and always love you.

Memory of Bud

Baby Benjamin is coming tomorrow night and spending the night.  Wonder how this lady will do.  First time in 28 years that I have watched over a little one all night.    Keep tuned....

60's Lady growing up?

I am a product of the 60's and at the time, I was really quite something for my parents to keep up with. I was born in 1947 so I enjoyed the quiet lifestyle of the 50's, but what a teenage life I had. So much fun. You dont' really know when your life takes a turn and you become responsible. My whole adult life has been centered around my two children Erin, 34 and Devin 28. As a single Mom it was hard but I can't even think of life without them. Now I am into a different phase, where they are where they should be and I need to be where I am. Without becoming a nag and clinger I am struggling on ways to see them more. I live farther away now, so it is harder and they are busy. I do not want to guilt them at all, I just miss them. I have a wonderful husband and we do many great things together, his son just had a son, so I am a step grandma. So my adventure begins...
growing up and loving it